There was a time in my life where I seemed to have too much free time. While working on my 2003 Kawasaki Z1000, I thought it might be a good idea to have a lift. I could just buy one. Harbor Freight sells HB-quality lifts that are plenty sturdy for a 437lb bike. That would be too easy, though. Surely, I could build my own for less money.

I don’t know how to weld, eliminating metal as an option for building materials. I am, however, fairly comfortable with dimensional lumber. I acquired said lumber (2x4s, 2x6s, 4x4s and plywood), picked up various bolts at the hardware store and then stopped by HB for an electric Harbor Freight cable hoist and some sheave blocks.

The design strategy was unclear but I knew what I wanted it to do. I had seen a lift before…in pictures.

Microsoft Excel was relied on heavily but not in the normal way. I used it for digital drafting paper, making each cell equivalent to 1/8th of an inch and inserting various squares, rectangles and circles until it resembled a lift. I worked out the length of everything and the angles that were needed. I even worked out the routing of the hoist cable to do the mechanical action I needed it to do as cabling would be run internally.

None of this would have been necessary if my math skills were better. Blame for my lack of numerical aptitude falls squarely at the feet of my 6th grade algebra teacher. We were all much too preoccupied with listening to the OJ Simpson trial on the radio to worry about math.

It worked. Sort of.

Here’s the thing, though. I’m not the sharpest light bulb in the forest.

Using lumber instead of metal created a few issues. The biggest one for me was that the platform, at its lowest position, was over 12 inches above the floor. I had also neglected to mount any sort of wheel chock or tether points to steady the bike once on.

The second time I put the bike on the lift, I rode it up the steep ramp and immediately slipped off. Plywood isn’t the grippiest surface and the builder did nothing to make it grippier. The bike fell over onto the concrete floor, leaving a large dent in the tank, broken bar-end mirrors, broken flyscreen and bent handlebar. I accompanied the bike on its journey towards bare concrete but my trip resulted in less notable damage.

I bought replacement handlebars and bar-end mirrors. The original flyscreen was still on a shelf, a convenient placement for replacement. A Ruger decal eventually covered up the tank dent. The damage to my interest in using the lift could not be repaired.

I never used the lift again.

This all happened 12 years ago. Going through old pictures reminded me that I had even built the lift in the first place. There are worse things I could have done. Idle hands and whatnot. Some people spent their 20s partying. I built things out of wood that shouldn’t be made of wood.

I sold the bike a year later and the lift has long been disassembled. Lumber was repurposed. Craigslist found a new owner for hoist. I still have the sheave blocks and bolts. They followed me from Idaho to Iowa and now live in a cabinet in my California garage. Some of those bolts were even used in deck maintenance last summer.

Looking back now, it was a fantastic decision to build my own instead of just buying one. Much cheaper, too, if you didn’t count the cost of bike damage or the labor hours of design and construction.

My 20s was a weird time. Having turned 41 this past Monday, my 40s is sizing up to be a weird time, too, just in a different way.

SNOW UPDATE

This video can provide a better update than words ever could. When is Summer coming?